Five years ago today
We couldn’t make you stay
Now a flower in God’s own garden
Your love still lights our way
Seems like only yesterday. Your illness, your pain; our anguish, our refusal to accept the inevitable. Cancer won out this time around but we fought hard and long, giving him a good run for his money. He may have won the race but we were victorious in our journey. Until he took you we were able to spend a little more time together – time for love, time for hugs, time for family, time for praising our Lord in voices loud and hands held high; and yes, time to learn those hard lessons we didn’t want to learn.
I have so many things I want to tell you! About Nathan and how he is growing into a fine young man while excelling at judo as a representative in the sport for his country Barbados.
About me and how I have finally learnt how to cook (yes, can you believe that?). Girl I can now hit up some serious fish cakes, and as for my chicken stew … well that’s just awesome. I have even invited friends over to flying fish cutter parties where I, yours truly, lovingly prepared everything including the beautifully fried flying fish. It’s a pity that this never happened when you were alive but as they say: necessity is indeed the mother of invention!
I need you to know how your sister misses you terribly and our Christmas lunches are not the same without your creative dishes seasoned with humour.
I long for our conversations, our laughter over the silly things, our tears during the big stuff. I still pick up the phone to call and tell you about something that happened at work, an idea for a book, a great joke someone forwarded to me … and then I hang up, with all of the words still there, waiting to come out. Words about my first speaking engagement to a group of fab women, my exercise programme while my weight goes up and down in the middle of hot flashes, my trips to South Africa and Malaysia and Italy and Spain in addition to some amazing Caribbean islands, and of course my favourite hobby – drinking tea!
But in spite of my loss I hold on to what I have gained, and I value the lessons you taught while here on earth. I will never forget the importance of good manners, always saying thank you, working hard and honestly for what you want, to always give to others no matter how little you yourself may have because God loves a cheerful giver. Yes mummy, it’s been five years ago today yet the pain of you leaving is just as raw as if it was yesterday. I will miss you for always and forever but your memories will stay warm and bright in my heart of hearts. And I will look for you as I look for the rainbows in God’s magnificent sky as a sign that you are up on high looking down on us.
Stay sweet dearest mummy, until we meet again …
PS: We hope all mummies out there are just as special as you are to us!