What Pain Do You Want In Your Life?

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Photo by Gale E


“I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn’t be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year’s resolution is not to bark back.”

Tucker Carlson

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“New Year’s Day. A fresh start. A new chapter in life waiting to be written. New questions to be asked, embraced, and loved. Answers to be discovered and then lived in this transformative year of delight and self-discovery. Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand. Only dreams give birth to change.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach
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At the beginning of a new year we tend to take some time to ask ourselves a lot of questions. When planning ahead for example we may try to figure out things like:

  • What do I want to do differently?
  • How much extra money do I need to make?
  • Where do I honestly want to be in the next three to five years – professionally and personally?
  • How do I get that sexy lean body I didn’t get last year?
  • What should I put on my bucket list that is achievable?
  • How can I create more meaningful memories with my family and children?

Yet, this really interesting article I came across entitled “Ask The Hard Questions” written by Mark Manson suggests the questions we ask may not truly yield the answers we are looking for.  To avoid vague non-specific answers we should therefore consider re-looking what we are asking.

Here are the first thoughts that jumped out at me:

“A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.

Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence—but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship—but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years and until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, “What was that for?” if not for their lowered standards and expectations 20 years prior, then what for?”

See what I mean? I was like wow! That certainly changes my perspective on a lot of things as I tackle where my focus should be for 2016; for sure I hadn’t considered the pain involved in attaining any of the stuff on my To Do List aka do I have what it takes (e.g. consistent staying power and stick-to-itiveness) to successfully tick those items off at the end of the year.

Click here to read the article in its entirety and then start the process of asking yourself the ‘right’ questions. It’s not too late to get the ‘right’ answers because with life we always have the opportunity for hope and blessings. Good luck!


“Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed.”

Cavett Robert
Photo credit: http://www.dreamstime.com

What do you think about this article? Do you set New Year resolutions? Do you hope to do anything at all differently this year? If yes, have you thought about what pain are you willing to bear? I’d love to hear from you!

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Barbadian mother and lover of laughter; story teller and best-selling author; happy to follow God's lead and to live my mantra: "you've gotta be a rainbow in the lives of others when it rains."

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