“People who are overweight don’t want unsolicited advice. Guess what. We know we’re fat. We live in homes with mirrors.” ~ Al Roker
Had not seen a girlfriend for a while. We hugged, greeted each other warmly and began to move on to our separate destinations. As I walk away I hear the smug comment: “Yuh like yuh put on some weight tho …”
I paused mid-stride. Of course she said it in a nice way. Of course she meant well. And what a wonderful confidence booster for someone who insists on resisting the fact that no matter how much she exercises or God forbid tries to starve herself (on those desperate occasions when wardrobe malfunctions appear inevitable), her aging menopause ravaged body will never comply or go back to the fit and trim look she was so proud of a few short years ago. I wanted to take back my hug.
“It would seem so,” was the most polite non-profane response I could come up with in a public forum but the scenario reminded me of another time when a super sized individual felt the need to inform me that I was “getting rather fat” and wanted to know what I was doing about it. That entire interaction was somewhat bizarre because not once had I ever considered offering similar comments if roles were reversed, even though they were carrying a whole lot more weight than my ‘fat’ body.
“What people don’t understand is that calling someone too skinny is the same as calling someone too fat; it’s not a nice feeling.” ~ Kendall Jenner
When you tell someone they are fat or putting on weight, how does that remark help that individual? Unless you are telling them from a health warning perspective, do they really need you to help them acknowledge their weight gain? What about changing the narrative to “Looks like you’ve put on some weight but you carry it so well! Squats will do that to you every single time.” Here’s where you would include a smile and knowing head shake from side to side before adding: “And that sexy outfit … girl, you rocking it!”
Come on people. You’ve got to do better. Words carry more power than sticks or stones. The law of life has confirmed over and over again that all of us cannot wear a size zero and if we did once, certainly cannot do so forever. When you have a baby, a demanding job, a medical condition, the stress of looking after someone who is ill, or intense grief from coping with loss (of a loved one, relationship or job) the possibility exists that a little additional weight will actively seek you out (and destroy your self esteem if you let it).
There are so many feasible reasons why a normal breathing human being can put on those extra pounds – other than they cannot control their appetite and love to eat too much food and look how they have let themselves run to fat.
Oh and by the way, this is a warning as I close out this thought: I just might go off on the very next person who dares mention my weight gain, marvels at my extremely broad hips or calls me a lobster … do NOT test this hot flashing menopausal ‘fat’ girl because you will NOT win; a word to the wise.
“I’m fat, but I’m thin inside… there’s a thin man inside every fat man.” ~ George Orwell